Uch Hyargh Kolch Prag! (*Happy Holidays!)

Feel the Power of the Larper

He is angry. He is German. He has foam weaponry. And he is completely fed up with American live-action role-players (Larpers) not taking this thing se...

Shiny Things

And now, a word form our sponsor... Download Shiny Things -HBD

Things I Have Not Done

I’ve often been accused of selfishness, egotism, hypocrisy, stealing change, encouraging prostitution, unreliability, inappropriate displays of wit, s...

Jesus deaded ALL THEM INDIANS

Due to the holiday I will be dedicating most of my time to binge-eating, holiday shopping and napping (in no particular order and often simultaneously...

Worse Than Death - Pt. 3

It’s been a long road for Joel Ropesman. A long, excruciating, improbable road. Joel’s is a journey beset by hardship. By confusion. By disfigurement....

"More Ramblings from McCrae"

This is an old favorite of mine. From the Coldwater Daily Reporter in Michigan, an op-ed piece I came across while working for Balthazar last year. -J...

Garg Prek Nachschtuck, Part Krog

There's No "I" In "Asshole"

If there has ever been a position in all of professional sports where egocentric, outlandish and sometimes insubordinate behavior has become not only...

Worse Than Death - Pt. 2

Things just aren’t getting any better for Joel Ropesman. If you thought eyeball-gouging dairy cows were bad, imagine what a bunch of ducks and geese c...

H to the B and also to the D: A Survey of Sorry Pretenders

H. B. D. Three consonants of such variety of articulation as to be nearly unrecognizable as family, like distant cousins dissimilar in every aspect bu...

My Life

(No, this has nothing to do with Bill Clinton’s autobiography, though it has turned out to be nearly as long. Oh, and those actors Zack mentioned in h...

A Terrible, Terrible Man

Have you ever played the sympathy card to get a woman into bed? Does it still weigh on your conscience? Well, you’re about to feel way better about yo...

Producer’s Corner: I Know Talent When I See It

Brothers Brian and Joe Hackett (Steven Weber and 'Tim Daly' ) and friend Helen (Crystal Bernard) attempt to run a Cape Cod-based airline while surroun...

Worse Than Death - Pt. 1

Here Be Dragons and The Learning Channel have collaborated to produce a reality show unrivaled in its exploitation of a pathetic subject. Meet Joel Ro...

Taurine, Cops and Thespianists

Someone who works in a Chicago high school told me that the kids collect the tabs from Monster Energy drinks (which are sold in a vending machine in t...

Taste Via Tucci

Zack’s post was pretty accurate…disregardless of everything he wrote, but most especial-like when he got to the part of me dismissing pop cultural non...

Producer's Corner: Half-assery

Do you know of this website called facebook? It’s supposedly the cat’s pajamas and is all the rave with the kids. What it’s mainly used for, aside fro...

Double-tapered

Fret not, little ones. A brand new Producer's Corner is on its way. But first, there are more pressing issues to address, like game 6 of the World Ser...

The S.S. Unimpressed - Your Boat Name Sucks

While visiting Florida, Jesse bicycles 54 miles to a marina in search of strong drink. Once satisfied, he is perplexed by the native’s lack of origina...

Adios, Ethnictown

I moved to Logan Square from Humboldt Park this weekend. One advantage to the timing of this was that it was Halloween, and as anyone in Chicago knows...

Gargh Prek Nachschtuck

I'm a little slow to post today, so while you're waiting for my next fun installment, I'd like to share with you a clip from a feature I discovered on...

Half A Korean Face

Boy gets job. Boy goes to South Korea. Boy gets drunk. Boy defends wrong person. Boy has face rebuilt. Boy flees country. Download Half A Korean Face...

Producer’s Corner: Finding Poise By Executing Consistently

Good morrow, dear listener and reader. As a new dawn approaches at Here Be Dragons, one that will hopefully bear tastier fruit than our previous incar...

How To Build A Coal Furnace From Scratch

Meet at Zack’s house, finish off a bottle of El Jimador, get in an argument about science fiction movies, encourage the women to participate, then bri...

Crossing the Stix: Intellectual Adventures in the Porcelain Tower

While I was writing this, my demented grandmother, who lives in Ann Arbor, took a bus here to Chicago. My mom called me around midnight to tell me tha...

Lazy, Drunk and Uncooperative Is No Way to Go Through Life, Sons

Greetings there, shitbirds – This here blog entry may not be cohesive with respect to the preceding posts. You see, I didn’t even get through Jesse’s...

The Tail Of Balthazar

So you know how sometimes, you’re sitting around the house on a rainy day, trying to decide which household items to use to asphyxiate yourself before...

Producer’s Corner: A Guide To Proper HBD Listening Techniques

Hello, listener. Welcome (back?) to Hear Be Dragons. My name’s Zack. If this were a legitimate podcast with even a smidgen of merit or credibility, my...

Getting Down To Bidness: The Real Story Behind Chicago's Failed Olympic Bid

Here at Here Be Dragons we like to pride ourselves on being ahead of the curve, which has been apparent from our timely updates and trend-setting inte...

How We Fail: An Analysis of the Fate of Here Be Dragons

As Season 3 bears down upon us in ragged, airborne darkness, I take solace in a single, ineluctable truth: that we will fail; that this endeavor, like...

It Takes a Special Party to Raise a Podcast

Dear listener, We’ve been away for awhile. We’ve neglected you. Our usual incompetence isn’t solely to blame this time, however. You see, we were busy...

Episode 2.1: An Onion of Dicks

We own up to the failures of our friends. We explore the nuances of post-urban vernacular. We rewrite ourselves in our own images. We recruit a ringer...

WE'RE BACK, BITCHES!!!

Dearests, We know it’s been a long time. We know we’ve made a lot of promises about improving the quality of this show we’ve been bullying you with ov...

New Voicemail Number

So, yeah. We know. We suck. Our previous voicemail number was hosted by the inept stoner-jerks at drop.io. Apparently, they were too busy playing Worl...

Taking it to the people

A message to the Here Be Dragons Nation: Thank you for supporting the non-legendary internet radio show Here Be Dragons. We can only hope that you've...

Episode 8: I Call Him Stinky

We mark an historic event by color coordinating our shots. We explore the hazardous effects of Irish car bombs on your poo. We witness an epic confron...

Episode 7: The Crack Tooth

We imagine an erectile dysfunction commercial for Joe Sixpack. We set a goal to be hated by someone in each of the 50 states. We get a lesson from a m...

Episode 6: Hittin' The Books

We get basic German lessons from a white supremacist. We're held at gunpoint by the least-threatening of firearms. We suffer a massive headwound while...

Episode 5: Psychodrama!

We take a vacation in a psych ward. We question the usefulness of bubblecars. We become completely fed up with 'lympics commercials. Morgan Freeman do...